A Letter to You, My Bookish Friends // why i’ve been gone + what’s happening now

Hey, friends. It’s this blog’s 3rd anniversary, and finally, I’ve got a post for you.

I don’t even know what to call this kind of post. Emotional? Informational? Spontaneous? Unexpected? Really, it’s all of the above. 

Either way, I have a few things to talk about, so let’s just get into it, shall we? 

What’s going on? 

If you take a look at my previous posts on here, you’ll probably notice that 1) they’re each several months apart, and 2) I always start by apologizing for being gone, or something like that. I didn’t want to do that this time, but honestly, how could I write this post without addressing it? 

I wanted to make a post explaining what my year has been like so far, because I think it’ll be nice to just share things again, and because… well, because I want to. 

First, I want to let you know that I’m okay! I’m doing well and there was nothing negative or bad happening to me during my time away from the blog. (Other than something I might mention later.) 

But to tell you the truth, I just haven’t been reading a lot lately. And again, I’ll talk about this later, but that’s probably the main reason why I haven’t really been around. How can I blog in the Book Community without reading books or reading other blogs? 

Without telling you about my blogging woes just yet, I’ll first explain, um… *gestures to my whole self* everything about myself, I guess. (as you can see, i have no idea what i’m doing and/or where to start haha)

Internships! 

(This might be long! The important things are in bold!)

The first thing that kept me occupied outside of blogging was the concept of ✨ getting an internship. ✨ No, not participating in an internship. Just… the thought of getting one. 

I started this blog when I was a freshman in college, because I had some free time and the only book lovers I knew were not with me very much. I wanted to meet more people who liked books, and more specifically, people who wanted to write fiction! I had a great time blogging on here for years, and I really appreciated every one of the people who came to read this blog. 

But… When the pandemic started, I was a sophomore. I’d only been blogging for a little over a year. And I quickly realized that I needed to do something I could put on my resume, something like an internship that people could see and go, “ah yes, that’s a legitimate work experience” (i.e. something that was not talking about pjo online and reading books over the course of 24 hrs for fun)
**Actually, I’d like to point out that running a blog, and especially running social media sites along with it, CAN be put on your resume and CAN help impress your future employers! Depending on the position, of course. But if you’re considering a job/internship in publishing or a communication field, they’ll probably like the fact that you have a blog! (As long as it’s actually professional in some way. And you would have to be willing to show it, probably. My blog did just fine! But I digress)

pretend these are both me, or that i’m just in two places at once bc that’s what it felt like

Anyway, I got a very small social media internship with a very small and very new literary agency in the summer of 2020, and actually stayed with them until just last month. But as I continued to go to school, and keep up a (very easy) internship, I was already getting nervous about school work. (And at the time, my grades were the best they’d ever been, but I told myself I’d feel bad if I let them drop!)

In November 2020, I realized that “oh wow, I should be applying to bigger internships now that I have experience!” And I proceeded to spend 80+ hours in one week applying to literally everything I could, including some big name internships. I even got as far as going through several interview rounds for a social media internship with CBS! But all of that took my time and energy away from things I actually wanted to do for fun, and ultimately, I didn’t get into any of those internships.  

Then in January of 2021, quickly applied to and I got another internship (on top of the previous one), and I was writing entertainment articles. I’d always loved to write fiction, but… non-fiction and non-bookish articles? It wasn’t my thing, at first. (I so badly wanted to get a publishing internship! Anywhere, with anyone!) But I actually grew to love writing there, a lot, but each article took up 12-16 hours of my week, in addition to several weekly meetings we also attended. 

Which meant, that was 12-16 hours of writing/reading things that weren’t even for school! In my mind, that was quite a lot of writing/reading, practically too much. And as an English major, I basically read and write all the time anyway. So writing/reading for the blog? That didn’t feel like taking a break, for me. Especially since I was so tired all the time from my 2 internships and the guilt of keeping up with my (admittedly impressive, by my standard) grades.

me, pretending it was 100% enjoyable to be on my laptop 24/7

And then… summer 2021 happened. I got another internship and stayed on with the other 2 because I liked them so much. 🙃 And I figured it would look cool on my resume. The experience was great and I learned a lot, but jumping straight from an intense pandemic school year into doing 3 unpaid internships for 30 hrs a week just… took the fun out of the idea, the concept of reading. My brain hurt! I only wanted to watch YouTube and learn how to sew, thank you very much. 

But now, the grand finale is here. After applying practically every week to new internships for nearly a year, and conducting over 10 interviews with publishing professionals (mostly for fun, I wasn’t trying for the opportunity to work with them), I got it. An internship with an actual, well-known literary agent, with a real, well-known agency! I can’t stress to you how happy this made/makes me, especially because this was the one thing I have been working toward from the beginning of my blog, actually, before I even started blogging in the first place. In September 2021, I officially started reading and making critiques on manuscripts for the agent, and it’s honestly so nice to be doing this after so long of knowing, in my bones, that it was something I’ve always wanted to do. 

It was because of my blog (and the bookish knowledge it brought to me) that I got this internship. I never would have felt worthy or prepared enough without all of you and your support! But now… I still don’t know. Should I come back to blogging? Do I even know how to log in to WordPress anymore? 

TL;DR — I’ve been doing a bunch of internships and now I’m burned out, and I simply don’t feel like making weekly blog posts anymore. 

Am I leaving this blog? 

I was going to talk about my actual blogging woes, but that internship section was super long, so here’s the gist of how I feel about blogging: 

1. I haven’t read many books recently, so I can’t really recommend anything 
2. I haven’t read many recent books at all, so I’m kinda behind
3. I haven’t been able to keep up with my blogging friends (or blog hop at all) and that always makes me feel guilty 😦
4. I used to hate the block editor with an absolute burning passion (but idk it’s not that bad anymore?)
5. I’ve been in and out of some bad mental health periods, but after sad-writing two long posts about it and never posting them, I’ve decided to move on and that you don’t need to see any more sad rambles 
6. Do I even know what to talk about on here? I have no idea, haha. 

It’s very possible that the blogosphere is very different than how I left it back in February. I have no idea about what’s popular or what’s “cancelled” (I’m not even using gifs anymore bc idk if that’s a thing still!). But if I do decide to start blogging again, I’d want it to just be fun. Just for me, and for you, if you choose to read my posts! I promise I’ll try to be as much like my old self as I used to be, because that version of myself didn’t wear me out and it was fun. 

So am I leaving? Yeah, I don’t know. We’ll see. 

A story about “leaving” 

When I first found out about book blogging, it was through a popular Goodreads reviewer. 

I clicked on her blog one day, and I loved the concept of blogging in general, but especially the idea of blogging about books. Who knew that could be such a thing! 

But I was (exaggerating-ly) devastated when I found out she had just left her blog right before I found her. Her last blog post on the website detailed her reasons for leaving, and a heartfelt goodbye to her followers, and dozens of bloggers had commented on it by expressing their best wishes and goodbyes. 

I was sad, and also shocked. Although I understood her decision to leave, I couldn’t fathom the idea of not blogging after gaining over 1,000 followers who actively read and commented on that content, which they enjoyed. And I vowed I would never leave my own blog without at least saying goodbye. 

So here we are. 

I started writing a “goodbye” post in the summer, I think, but since then I’ve gotten a new laptop and now that I’m writing this, without reference from that old post… I see the opportunity to not say goodbye to you. 

I don’t know what changed. Actually, yeah I do. I’m currently missing the passion from my life. If there’s anything important I gained from blogging since 2018, it wasn’t just the book titles and great recommendations. It was the community and the passion you all showed me when we showed up for each other and were passionate about the same things, as a community. 

I don’t think I want to say goodbye, because I’m not ready to go just yet. 

Right now, in this moment, I just spent an hour cranking out this blog post, and I’m telling myself that blog-writing isn’t as scary or as time-consuming and I’ve been telling myself all year. And maybe that’s true, or maybe I’m just full of the adrenaline from finally getting these things off my chest. 

But there’s no one right way to be a blogger. I can go about this however I want, take as much time in-between posts as I want. I mean, I probably could have gone without making this post! Who knows! 

Either way, I just wanted to tell you this: I don’t want to lose the community or the passion for books I’ve found here. I’m not ready to say goodbye because I could, potentially, continue to explore my bookish passion for years after today. 

I hope to see you around soon. 

Hello! I hope you enjoyed my foray into blogging once again. 😌 My apologizes if you forgot you were following me and have no idea who I am, haha

Feel free to talk to me about literally anything, or send me your recent posts so I can catch up with you! 

Chat with me about it!

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Happy reading! Have a lovely day! Please stay safe!

*graphic images from sketchify on Canva!